Birth Plans

Rosie

I’d like to nest overnight before I have my babies. I appreciate the straw that you’ve put in my sty, but I’ll be supplementing this myself with sticks, twigs, bits of fallen bark and any other debris I can find in the bush block. I’ll be trundling around during the night fetching this into the sty. Don’t disturb me. I like to prepare. And please don’t rearrange it, I think it looks nice like this.

Thanks for the lavender offcuts. That’s a nice touch; it gives the sty a nice scent and offsets the smell of mud a little.

When the time comes, I’ll just lie on my side and huff and puff. I’ll lift my back leg up a little when there’s a piglet coming out. If you could give it a moment to come round and then put it under the heat lamp, that would be helpful, thanks. Last time I had six but that was my first litter. This time it might be more, so be prepared.

Bella

I can’t be bothered with all that nesting. I’m a big girl, as you know, so there’s not much room for anything else in my sty apart from me. I’ll just stretch out on my side the full length of the sty with my nose poking out of the door, like I did last time. That was fine, no special requirements.

You can sit on the sidebar inside the sty, if you like. I’m happy for you to keep me company. But don’t let Mr S start flaffing around with the straw like he did last time. Man, was that distracting and annoying. I had to get up on my elbows and look round to figure out what was happening. Have you any idea how hard it is for a pig like me to get up on my elbows when I’m in labour? Please.

I had eleven last time, didn’t I? It’s hard to keep count. Can you please whisk them out of the way so I don’t roll on them like last time?

When I’m done and dusted and I’m ready to feed, I’ll turn round to face them and make a sound like a Harley Davidson starting up, to call them over. If you’ve got any sense, you’ll stay out of the way.

That’s about it. I’m a fuss-free girl.